Lady Pirate

You have a very nice vocabulary, and as far as potty-humour goes it's too wordy for me.

It's like scrammbled eggs, and I got a little confushed. work on the punctuation, just work on clearing everything up a bit, because right now it is a little mucky.

Oh, yeah this catches the conceited air of teenage-two-faced-girls. Very Nice!

I agree with Kitty15, it is very well written. The lag vibe almost reminds me of a Shakespeare sonnet without the sonnet form. Just the tone when your talking about ...

Hmm... never really thought about it like that. thanks Ed. Well, I'm now taking the poem down, so it can under MAJOR recontrutive writiting. Thanks for all the help you ...

Thanks of all of the advice :D It is most welcome. I'll defintly work on it, becuase I see it now that yous guys point it out to me! it ...

Thaks for the advise B.I. I'll work on it, I guess it sounds better when it's spoken...*rubbs chin* Question: Would it flow better if it where divided up into stanzas???

This is lovely. It's very well written, and I love the symbolism of midnight, how night changes to day &c. And how you life changes at the stroke of midnight.

I really like it, and I agree with DoctorClicky, it is a damn good poem. L.P.

Yes, helps, I'll work on it.

Chapter Two: The Spymaster Marly looked sharply at him. Wait, he was head of the King's spies and head of the King's own personal guard, what was he doing here ...

Intresting, and good.

It's good so far, but needs a little bit more work, Keep it up though

I love the emotion in the this piece. It's very deep. At first when I read it I saw it as just a physical scar, and then I realized that ...

I loved MR, wait till you read the next one: Maximum Ride: Schools out forever